heyyyaa.i feel like blogging now.so might as well blog right.yep.i havent been blogging anyway.life has been great so far.ok.not exactly but im going to make it that way.i dont care how bad it can get.im leading my life.because im not gonna miss all the fun while it lasts.anyway.i had a talk with my mum.bout my relationship with her.how bad it's getting.but she made me cry.cos i said.my dad never ever show us his love for us.and she was like he always send u to sch.he cud have just come home and sleep.but that wasnt just it.then i said we dont ever go out as a family.then she was like.tt's cos when we go out you ppl always wanna go home.like we dont care how my dad feels la.she said my dad cant do anything.he wants us to be happy.so if going out with friends make us happy.so be it.i was like soo sad then.i didnt noe this was actually happening.and my mum told me our family secret.not really secret.but prob.and she said she didnt want to tell us so we wont be so worried.omg.it's just so sad.i cant believe this is actually happening.to MY family.so i've decided.maybe i should have a new self.like turn over a new leaf.if ya noe what i mean.heez.everyone has been lecturing me.and i guess it's time i forget the past and start to focus more on what i want.my goals.my dreams.nothing is gonna stop me.anyway i finished that book.it's soo sad.ok.im recommending all of you to read this book called Candy by Kevin Brooks.it's really nice.i almost cried.great impact on me.hahaa.didnt really expected the ending.haiish.my mum has been nice to me lately.ok.it's nice in my point of view.it might not be according to my sisters.cos my mum has been treating them fairly.but it's different for me.so yaa.i always feel like i dont belong in that family.my siblings are too perfect.does well in school and stuff.totally different from me.i did really badly for this common test.i ought to be really ashamed of myself.well.i am.i'll just hafta work towards doing well for this end of year.i better do well.i hafta pass my a maths.haiiz.can anyone help me?i really do need help.professional help that is.cos im already in such terrible state.even if i memorise the whole textbook.i wont be able to do well.helpp!!!hrmmpphh.ok.im tired.ciao!
im happy with myself.




thought of posting pics..so there!






my mum just spoiled my mood.she dont ever understand anything.she has been really pissed wimme lately but who cares.she's a bitch and i noe tt.some ppl even said like.how come your mum talk to u liddat.it just saddens me.ohh god.she's sscreaming and nagging right now.i just want a normal family.god.cant i have just that?pls?i dont want any of these.i cant take it.my dad hates me after what happened last night.i noe i shouldnt have talk back but i was really pissed.he gets on my nerve.these isnt the only probs i've been facing.in school.urgh.okk.
let's just not talk bout it...
i dunno what to say.......




woohhoo!exams are over.yep2.it's over.but it doesnt feel like it.dunno why.i still feel like im in a study mood.too used to it i guess.i havent been updating.izzit?hrrmm.yep.
monday
had physics.it was okay i guess.and english.it was okay too.after school.i went home straight.ehee.quite boring arhh.no wait.VERY.i just hate it when have to sit down and study.i cant do it ya noe.i'd surely get up.walk around.but too bad now this hse is small.urrghh.i miss my old hse!!=(=(=(.
tuesday
after school.i didnt wanna go home.then maria.divya.si xuan and shermaine wanted to eat in school.so i asked chayana whether she wanted to go out and study.heh heh.then me.gloriie.and her went banquet.ate some strawberry ice jelly thingiiee.yuumm!then after that we walked around.and i saw this off shoulder top in u2.im so gonna go get it.it's damn nice.we all planned to buy it.yay!gloriia had to leave.so me and chayana walked her to the library.and she left.me and chayana went to the library cos we wanted to study.we went to adult section.TRYING to study.but everyone was so quiet.me and chayana were freaking out.hhaa.loser ppl!so anyway.we went down to the children section.it was fun!heehe.nooiise!~when me and chayana were like studying.we saw ryan coming towards our direction.haa.he's a loser with a capital L on the forehead.he came and sat down with us.we talked2 until cannot concentrate.then there was this china boy.he's damn cute but so irritating oso.he called me idiot in chinese.he cant speak english.dumbass.hehehe.ryan wanted us to go help him get stuff for nina.so we went parkway.looked around for stuff.he's a cheapo!!haha.but he claims tt he's sincere.who cares anyway.haaa.then he wanted us to help him fold paper stars.haiish.and before we left he treated us ice creamm.nOice~i like.then took a 196.then went home.came back.tried to study malay.so crappiee.then my mum told me tt she had a stalker.ahaha.this man was following her wherever she went.until she told the salesman what she was suppose to do.and when tt stalker heard he ran away.ahahaha.

wednesday
my bro picked me up after school.my mum was there oso.we went changi hospital cos my mum needed to buy her cream for her face or sth like that.then we went changi.bought lunch.i was halfway sleeping in the car.so tired!by the time we came back it was already so late.gloriee called and told me what happened.i was studying chem when i fell asleep.haa.then divya called and woke me up from my deep sleep.we talked for awhile only.then she had to go.no wait.more like she was doing all the talking.i was still asleep.haaha.then at night i was panicking cos i havent studied bio.but i slept anyway thinking tt i wud wake up at 4 or sth to study.but guess what.me being a sleepyhead just went on sleeping.i woke up.didnt noe what to do.but heck la.last day so i couldnt be bothered.

thursday
bio turned out okay i guess.but chem sucked.hrrrmmphhh.after sch.had to fall in.then went to see mrs tey on the songlist.lucikly she didnt see the candy shop.hahaha.hmm.so then we went azmi's hse to get the plan.cos some ppl didnt bring it.he's suppose to like bring so we can plan.haiish.anyway.me.divya and chayana then went bedok macs to do our work there.we finished and went home ahh.so here i am.all tired.and sleepiee.haha.




heyya peepz.heehe.im suppose to be studying right now.but i guess too much studying will lead me to nowhere so i've decided to stop.whatever happens tomorrow will happen.huh?ok.haha.it's been really long since i last blogged.i've been busy.not really but my bro la.he's always at home.so anyway.let's start.national day.went to watch the fireworks.it was so pretty!haha.i went with my sisters and mahmud.saw z.jiexi.erm.some other ppl.cityhall was so crowded k.and abg jeep was there.we didnt see him.he's some sort of police at the mrt.making sure everything's ok.that kinda thing.yea.my parents locked themselves out.haha.so they came home later than us.so anyway.i was fasting on wednesday.so didnt go out.totally slacking at home.fasting makes you sleepy ya noe.hehe.went back to school on thurs.it was a drag k.we didnt do anything much.but aces day is coming.and all the dancing shit.urrghh.and esp when you have mr yusri eyeing on you.hhaha.it totally sucked.like who's gonna do all the shittified dances.loser peepz who came up with this rubbish.had chem.the quiz was badly done.i just realised something.i suck at chem!ahaha.on friday.we had the combined meeting.it was fun.my first time.hehehe.and they made it like some meeting kinda thing.it was cool.and chinghao.hahaha!he's one retarded guy.seriously.haha.we didnt really focused cos he was telling us on his past life.funny dude.hmm.it ended quite late.on top of that we were waiting for maria and suhailah.they have such cerewet advisor.ok.ppl.if ya didnt know.this meeting is about the campfire we're having.and im sure it's gonna be a blast!yay!cos why.me.chayana.gloriee are planning it.woootz!!hehe.it's gonna be fun.with the pop songs.=)=)=).ohhh.and when we were waiting for those two ppl.i made a fren.haha.me and chayana.this small boy.the mother is the woman who sweeps our canteen.remember gloria????????hahaha.we played 'ball' with him.and he refuses to tell us his name.notti boy.so.erm.yest.i was fasting again.i have many many days to pay back.hhaiii.in the evening.i was conferencing with gloriee.divya.and that idiot.then i went to break my fast while the rest of them continued talking.after that.i joined again.i was on the phone the whole night.that's when.surayya made friends with that idiot.ahaha.so anyway.hashir was suppose to call me.but he was studying.tthat freak.i got moody.but who cares.hehehe.i slept at around 1.and i woke up at 11 today.what a pig!!hahaha.then i started studying and stuff.got bored.so i was on the comp the whole day.seven hours k.hahueehhauhe.
i still get lost in your eyes.




bad day.haish.wait.there's seriously something wrong.really.they're against me.ok.im not so sure.but i sense tt something's really wrong.seriously wrong.i dont understand lah!this is just so stoopid.lame.whatever you can call it.i dont know what to do.why cant i hang out with a different group of ppl for once?and it's not all the time tt i get to go out with them.maybe im over reacting.cos i dont know what the real prob is.im just so confused.it really sucks when you have more than one prob to solve.and you dont know what to do.who to turn to.cos you do know tt they arent there for you.it's just words that they say.plain words that dont mean a thing.it hurts.it really does hurts.so im letting out my feelings inside.and im gonna make sure i talk things out.no matter what it takes.cos im not gonna waste 3 years of friendship.and i aint kidding.it's not easy to maintain a friendship tt is this long.it takes understanding.cooperation.love.trust.and everything else.so i hope i've made my point to the respective ppl.i know that you know that im talking about you peepz.peace!

today was just horrible.i woke up in the morning thinking that today was gonna be perfect.i thought i was gonna make it perfect.but i was wrong.i guess i dont have that much of strength in me to make my day wonderful for once in my life.even though i wish tt everything would be perfect.so anyway.i went to school.msging divya.and gloria called to ask me what i was wearing.haha.loser woman.when i reached school.i read my book.it's so nice k.really nice.it's been so long since i last enjoyed reading love stories.and that book was so meaningful.it was perfect for me.=)=)=).then we just walked around.maria made her speech.it was short though.but i guess it takes a lot of courage to just stand there and read a few lines.cos i know i wont be able to do it.so well done!~hee.i was with divya when the rest were doing their national day activities crapshit thingie.ryan was in the fashion show.i just realised something.he's only able to speak out around ppl he's comfortable with.i dont know.but he looked kinda wierd on stage.like so out of place.haha.so anyway.i went down.saw maria's rice thingie.was with henna.gloria.kavina.just sitting around.no wait.more like i was standing.and we went toilet.gloria had to put some black paint on me.washed it off and stuff.then she started plashing water on me.haha.then it was time to assemble.and i was wet.i know i should have been with smds.but i was too caught up with kavina's stories.that i didnt go and sit with them.sorry guys!the concert was the lamest thing ever.seriously.it was stoopid.but thank god i finished my book.the ending was nice!!really k.haaa.love stories.waddaya expect right.after the thing.me.kavina.henna.gloria.sandhya.chayana.suhailah.and saira.left for town.kinda cool.it was fun.haa.everyone was pulling the halter bra.pinching their butts.haha.lame but fun.heehe.then we went cathay cineleisure to see the movie times.but it's so freaking packed!so we decided not to watch.then we wanted to go eat.everywhere was packed too!couldnt eat oso.we were just standing around.tt's when the disaster happened.i shall not expain more.anyway.me.kavina and henna ate in cafe cartel.then the rest came.ate.ate.then left.went heeren.me.kavina and sandhya pierced.nicee~~heezz.then we walked around.kavina had to go.there were some probs.haiizz.so the three of us just left.today was just stoopid.really.the first part was just so great.but i dont know la.haiz.crappitified.
are friends really there for you when you need them?i dont know.




yest was fun.ok.it was nice.my cousin's wedding.somewhere near big splash.i looked terrible.really.when we came.i like knew only a few people.and my grandaunt didnt even give us a warm welcome.haha.okok.tt was crap.but hey.i expect a grand entrance.ok maybe i can wait until i get married.so anyway.when we came.the whole thing was pretty boring.then like later in the evening.it was better.cos more ppl came.and when the bride and groom went to change to the gown and suit.everyone by the aisle were given party poppers.that thingie.yes.so when the couple came.we were popping tt thing.and there were music and stuff.there were also hosts.and slide shows.showing their life.and that kinda thing.it was cool.and the my couz was gorgeous.really pretty k.she looked like a doll.aha.and then.the hosts sorta interviewed the bride and groom but they were too happy to talk i guess.oh.and btw.the groom is like.euurgghh.seriously.haha.im not being mean or what.but ya.there was a point of time when the groom had to kneel down and say something.guess what he said.'will you marry me?'what a dumbo.she so doesnt have a choice right???!haha.that guy is seriously from loserville.ha!so anyway.a few relatives came.it's been sooo long since i last seen them!!and they're so pretty.hahaa.okkkkkk.so then.we took pics and stuff.btw my mum's family is so freaking kecoh k.haha.really fun.so anyway.my dad was suppose to pick us up.he did.but my mum asked him to come up to the reception area.it took awhile for him to come.my dad hates to mix around with ppl.haha.but he loves to disturb ppl like my ganniee.grandaunt.aunts.haha.wierd.we left quite late.i was already so tired.i came home.washed up.then slept.too tired.i cant wait for monday.it'll be fun cos school's gonna end early.haa.
get out of my freaking blog you son of a bitch!




urghh.my left eye is killing me!it's so painful.it's swollen btw.so how am i suppose to go school tmr.not tt i cant.but it's kinda obviously.my left eye is smaller than the other.haha.it hurts like shit!!it's always so watery.haha.ok i shall shut up now.my sis came home at 1030 yest.and it happens that my dad was home.so he's thinking of stopping school for her.cos this isnt the first time.and he suspects that she has a bf.which apparently.is true.haa.i went to see the doctor just now.it was fast.he only gave me antibiotics.loser doc.haha.i need something for my eye!sheesh.talked to my abang just now.he's gonna go meet farhan.eurgh.so anyway.im gonna eat now.taaaz!
when can this pain just go away?




i dont know why this is happening to me.no clue or whatsoever.i know that it's wrong to do it.i dont even know why i did it.it's like there's something in me that's making me do all these stuff.i let my friends down.made them so worried.im sorry.i just didnt know what to do.i was alone.i was depressed and sad.i was angry.i was in total rage.so i thought why not do it.since my life's already ruined.but that's the biggest mistake i've ever done.and now i cant stop it.i cant help the of temptation.i talked to maria.divya and shermaine about it.they supported me well enough for me to move on.i guess i cant judge a person only from the outside.i really appreciated what they're doing.love them to bits and pieces.and i know that i'll never go near that thing again cos i'll only do that if im sad.or depressed.with them around.i dont think i would be.thanks guys!
my world is black.