you always want what you cant have.how truee.i was feeling soo fucked up and depressed just now.waited for the call for soo long.thought we werent gonna meet.but we did.haha.felt nice.but after waiting for so long i thought of giving up..seriously..firstly cos my sisters were not home..i was stuck alone with my mum..so i was practically rotting in my room with nothing to do..was dyinggg!haha..thought surayya came to the rescue when she called but no.she sounded worst cos she was doing homework!so yeah la.
im all good now.refreshed!haha.school's starting tmr..i think im looking forward...cos im missing too many people!!!haha..really..the whole two weeks i was practically spending time with my family..which is good..but no contacts with friends..(isnt good)..haha..but now, since i got back my phone..im contactable again!whee..
my mum gave it back to me on friday..i was walking to the bustop with her..we were on our way to geylang..so then she was suddenly walking at a slower pace than me..so i turned..and she held that baby in her hands!my phoneeeee....hahaha..i was like sooo happy..and speechless of course..my sisters knew that my mum took back the simcard..and all..but no, they kept it from me..such witches!haha..then went geylang..bought two tops..the salesman was the same indian guy..he remembered me..how freakkyy..and he asked me where my sisters were..he mistook surayya for my sister..and he tried to make jokes that werent funny..i dun remember what..but i dont remember laughing either..then we walked around..and my mum made me buy this skirt..the skirt i wanted..it's seriously nicee!costs 35bucks..and my mum was actually in love with it..and soo happy that i bought it..using her money tho.haha..i love her!thenn we walked to joo chiat complex or something..(i just dont get the names!) and bought cloth or materials(whichever you prefer).i bought some french lace..or what la..not really happy bout the colour..but heck..anywayyy..im realising over and over again that school is starting tmr..haaha..more studying, lectures, waking up early!! less sleep.ughh.okkk whateverr la!im so dreading.....




FRIENDS.will they always be there for you?
i read a post from a person's blog.it kinda moved me.
are your friends actually whom you call friends?sheesh.what if after your secondary life, they just forget you.pretend they dont even know you.like you dont exist.give you that look.we cant predict the future.like whether or not they will continue being your friends till forever.
you need friends.they're like considered part of your life.try imagining a whole month without them.lonely.but how would you know that they're not backstabbing you?talking behind your back?like maybe it's common for one to speak bout the other.hypocrites we are.but who isnt.nobody's perfect.but it kinda sucks to be thinking bout leaving your friends when you leave your sec sch.eurrgh.i dont wanna think anymore.it's like you will have to make friends all over again in jc.
i hate it when people say life sucks.
gloria says that i shouldnt continue.blame her.haha
=P




i hate holidays.firstly cause, you only rot.and second, you dont get to see your friends.ugh.it's annoying.hate it.i miss them!but whatever.only a few days till school reopens.meaning, more stress.less playtime.haha.my mom dont think that i can go jc.how pathetic.but, haiz.and she'd only get me a new phone if i do well.urgh.
went out with my mum yest.ok not exactly.didnt go as planned.i accompanied my mum and aunt to the cancer centre.fetched my uncle first.he has cancer and stuff.so yea.then two of my cousins came.they're such wierd people.i dont ever talk to them.haha.one is mentally retarded so he's an exception.but the other one.i dunno la.so anyway.we took so long at the cancer centre.first, went for his blood test.which was so scary.yet, interesting.it must hurt.ok what.duhh right.haha.then waited for the results.went up for his chemotherapy.but the waiting was just too much.i dont like waiting.but haiii.so then, it was like around five.i went down to the pharmacy with my mum.she wanted to collect the medicine for my uncle right.and i was too engrossed with my cleo mag.cos why?they're some interesting stuff in there.haha.parental guidance please.aha.whateverr.so then my aunt(uncle's wifey) came.so me, my mum and aunt(the other one) left.went bugis.shopped for my watch.i swaer im too indecisive.fickle minded!i was having so much trouble deciding on a fossil one, guess, esprit or dkny.haha.sheesh.hate making decisions.so i settled on a fossil one.and now, i dont know if it's really nice.should have bought that dkny one.cos this one, as my sisters claimed, is too boyish.as in it's not feminine.hmph.forget it.
just now i was supposed to have english.i came so early like one idiot.and end up, mdm nora is sick!how freaking annoying is that?i just HAD to be early right.so it was still early in the morning..if i didnt go in the first place, i would have been sleeping soundly at home!my precious sleep!haha.so i went to the library.but some people wasnt there.i stayed till 1 something.saw azmi and zana.they're such cute couple.some people still didnt turn up.hrmphh.=(.went home.made myself a delicious tuna sandwich.gosh!im sucha good lunch-maker.haha.whatever that means.cos i didnt exactly cook.(still trying to be a good cook!)ha.




i shall make this short.i went for another arab wedding just now.the main point was so that would get my dosage of hot arabs.hehe.but unfortunately there were as many and as nice as the one i went last week.this one had kompangs, like those malay weddings.just that the guys were dressed in some arabian costumes.but they're malays.they looked malay.so yea.no match.i saw a few guys from the previous wedding.i think they're like my relatives.they better be.such good looks.haha.*melts.i love love arabs.haha.but not their characters though.they can be such pain in the arse.but anyways.it was freakin hot there.
i had a sleepover at surayya's sister's house.fun shit.i realised that i cant cope with kids.haha.okay.a baby.my lil niece.she's five months.and i carried her for some time and realised that my arm muscles were aching after a while.ahaha.but she's cutee la.
saw him.the botak him.haha.funny.but cutee.
i have english tmr.sad right.hai.LIFE.still have a lot of homework that needs to be done.damn.
are you unfaithful?




There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

i got this from a forwarded email suhailah sent me.kinda make sense dontcha think?haha.ok whatever.anyway.i was freaking pissed with mahmud yest.tell me, what would you do if a person keeps on insulting you?even though he doesnt mean it.cmon la.knowing that i am sensitive.he still rubs it in.how childish.knowing the fact that he's turning 19 and is my sister's bf proves my point even more.he's just doing all this for the sake of it.there's no point.he just want to tease people and hope that it wouldnt hurt the person.but whatever.too bad im not that kinda person.he's too immature to be my sister's bf.she needs someone who has class.with brains.intelligent.who actually talks and argues over political issues.i guess.but no, he goes round disturbing people.im sorry i just said that.but hey, it's the fact.face it right.but anyway i shouldnt be judging him that way.but whatever la.fuck it.i cant deny the fact that without him, our outings would be lacking of fun-ness.and kecohness.ugh.whatever!!

anyway i met surayya yest.went bugis.later, mahmud and my sister joined us.we watched fanaa.that hindi movie.it's nicee.there were tears.haha.cmon man.hindi movie!saw fadlun, jihan and yu quan there.they watched it too.surayya was telling me bout her summer love.kinda cool.every girl's dream.that guy's mum is a family close friend.so, me and surayya knows this guy.we have this minor on/off crush on him like all the time.haha.he's hot la.so then surayya went to tioman island with her god mum.his family and some other relatives.both of them were surrounded with people who were way older than them.so they sorta like started talking and all.he obviously has a crush or sth on her.ahaha.he's a nice person la.but it's complicated.

good things come to those who wait.
i still believe in that line.




slept late last night.watched the 2006 french open.nadal won.yet again.he's too hot to resist.damn.can someone please do me a favour?find me a guy who looks like him.send him to me aights?haha.i know i've gone bonkers.but hey, it's nadal we're talking bout here.haha.im gonna learn how to play tennis.someday.i will.then maybe i'd get to meet him.yes.haha.in my dreams that is.
i've been thinking a lot.i do think.uh.like bout everything.i realised that im wasting my life.seriously man.haha.ohh.and i was picturing my perfect man.i've got the details in my head.
HAIR:
i like guys with long hair.not long as in long.but shoulder length?i like messy hair.currly.i dont mind afro.haha.cutee.
FACE:
not squarish face.not oval.haha.sharp jaws.nice set of teeth.clean eyebrows.not messy.not so big eyes.i prefer guys with coloured eyes.not lens.mind you.fair complexion.not so fair tho.sharp nose.either indian or arab nose pls.=).then the lips.uh.as long as it's nice.haha.goatee would be nice.but not beard whatsoever.yuck.
BODY:
ahh.six pac.not skinny aight.an athlete's body.but not too muscular.that's disgusting.he'd look like my bodyguard.haha.
WEAR:
dress smart.not those father/working pants.jeans will do.t-shirt is nice.or normal tee.shoes, not sandals unless you know.outdoor stuff.
ACCESSORIES:
no necklace, bracelet, whatever.a watch is okay.no piercings!no way.
MODE OF TRANSPORT:
car or motorbike.what else right?haha.
PERSONALITY:
great sense of humour.no lame jokes.hate it when someone tries really hard to make me laugh.but fails.hhaha.tts like total embarrassment.egocentric.all guys have ego.so it's nothing new.a guy with initiative.a guy who cares.someone who loves talking.someone who has principles.know what is right and wrong.and lastly, one who knows how to have fun!!haha.of course.i like having fun.wheeee!~

so where can i find this person?nowhere!haha.




i went for this arab wedding on sunday.it was like sooo nice.but my sisters went for the nikah which was on friday(i was in camp!).and they were like telling me that there were more arab hot guys!urrgh.so wasted.haha.the wedding was like so arab-ish.they had kebab, arab music.those kinda thing.some hot arab guys.*melts*haha.i loiiike.i told my mum that i would wanna marry an arab guy.and she told my aunts that if they noe any, they should introduce.wth.ahaha.i was like so embarrassed.but my aunts are all encouraging me that i should marry an arab rather then an indian.wheee!haha.but hey, what am i talking.my o's arent over yet.haha.ugh.

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
After all this timeI never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor.....





shagged.yep.even after erm, dunno how many hours of sleep.i came home at 3 plus.from guides camp.i had some excuse.but the first thing i did was sleep.then i woke up at 8pm.so that's like 5 hours of sleep.but after i woke up.i didnt know what to do.so i slept again.and woke up today at 10am.haha.that's 14 hours.nyahaha.19 hours straight.that's fun stuff.im not a pork.i was just tired.
friday, 9th june.
i knew that i wont be able to wake up.so decided not to go for class.silly me.but i needed sleep.(but im screwed now cos mrs tan called my dad.of ALL people!).then at 11, i left for school.cos i was gonna have guides camp.then met divya, gloria, khalis, imran and faizal in the canteen.i felt like so tired.haa.then our lunch came.ate.then went to change to full-u.then fall-in and stuff.blah.blah.then at 5, we had outdoor cooking.i was like running around and stuff.i carried the grill thingie.and my shirt, arms were all like dirrty.i felt so digusted with mee!haha.but still carried out with that smagat-ness for the outdoor cooking.cmon, we're guidees man.hahaa.my group's effort in trying to start the fire was a total failure.halfway, i thought we werent gonna have dinner cos other groups already started eating their spaghetti, garlic bread and still cooking their chicken.i felt hopeless.haha.then we 'borrowed' someone else's fire and cooked the spaghetti.ms ang took our chicken and brought it to the staff lounge to heat it in the oven.=P.then we ate spaghetti.cleaned up the place.i went to the canteen.and ms ang brought down the chicken.she was all excited cos she actually cook a chicken.haha.then my whole group ate it.turned out superb.thenn....uh..the sec 4s cleaned the canteen and all.while the sec3s continued with their activities.talked.then joined the sec 3s.after that, we had supper.the sec 3s debrief.sec 4 debrief.but mrs tey decided that we watch the slide show(pictures) for the activities we had for that day.was funny.then we washed up.me, maria, gloria and suhailah went to the guy's toilet.there was this uglified cockroach.but me and maria couldnt take it.so we went back to the girl's toilet.then maria saw an insect repellant and gave me that look.haha.she wanted to kill the cockroach!!i obviously agreed.then she sprayed the cockroach till its last breath.*murderer!!*..
okay, now is the fun part.muahaha.
gloria and me wanted to stick with our plan of sneaking out.we did la.we saw maria, cheryl and qinyu in the canteen.then we went to the hall.the back.was kinda freakyy.i had that feeling.(i always do..haha)then i climbed over that gate behind that toilet.followed by gloria.then we ran down.i swear we can be such pro thieves.whee!then we went to the side gate.but decided not to climb there cos there was the spiky thingiee.then we ran behind the tachnical block to the big front gate.i was shit scared but wasnt gonna back out cos we've gone through all that.so, i started climbing the front gate.but rachel bok saw us.i was like, fuck.haha.i started running.adrenaline rush!but gloria thought i was hopping.gunduuuu!haha.she came.and asked us where we were going n all.told her.gave her gloria's no.in case of emergency.lol.she told us the tchers were bathing.perfect timing.then i started climbing again.made it out.followed by gloria.i was soo scared.i started running.hahahaha.was fuunny.we flagged a cab.it was like 12 sth already.went sandhya's house.got lost somewhere.then we reached her house.saw her whole family plus her aunts and uncles.they were watching soccer.her dog!haha.=P.thenn..we slacked in her room.then decided to go to a playground nearby.we sat on this really big swing.and were like laughing n stuff.then suddenly this old hag came by her window from the second floor and started screaming at us.whatever.then she threatened to call the police.which she did.just that she was pretending.hhaha.nonsense.so yaa.we talked.then i was tooo sleepy.so we went back to her house.by that time it was like 0145 or sth.then, after awhile..i called farhan to ask if idris can send us back to school since he had a car and they were like in bedok too.but some stuff happened.god knows what.but he couldnt fetch.so we were broke and we needed to get back to school asap.luckily, sandhya's sister came with her bf.it was 2 sth.then she lent us money to take a cab.so yea.then me and gloria stopped a few metres away from the school.we walked there.was kinda nice to be walking at three in the morning.when most of the peepz were asleep.nicee.i loiike.so anyway.i started climbing the gate.then stopped halfway and started laughing.was soo random.so crazee.waddaya expect.i lacked sleep.haha.ok so then we got in.went to the canteen.i called mahmud.then we slept there.was supposed to wake up at 545.but ended up waking at 615!!!when we were supposed to fall in at 630.everything was like so screwed.but anyway.nothing much happened after that.was kinda relieved that we didnt get into serious trouble.wheee!
loved that day.hee.




i know we haven't spoken for a while.i was thinking bout you and it kinda made me smile.so many things to say and i'll put them in a letter.thought it might be easier, the words might come out better.
i wish i could press rewind and rewrite every line to the story of me and you.(if there's any..)
don't you know i've tried, i've tried to get you off my mind but it don't get no better as each day go by and i'm lost and confused.i've got nothing to lose hope to hear from you soon.
excuse me, i really didn't mean to ramble on but there's a lot of feelings that remains since you've been gone.i guess you thought that i would have it all behind me but it seems there's always something right there to remind me like a silly joke or something on the tv(or radio, whatever.)
boy it ain't easy when i hear those songs.(frankie j:more than words.nickelback:far away).
i get that same old feeling wish i could press rewind, turn back the hands of time and i shouldn't be telling you.
the way your kiss taste.but some things a girl can never forget..
still not over you, see i've tried to forget you.don't you know i've tried, i've tried to get you off my mind but it don't get no better as each day go by.

P.S: I'm still not over you.




im like soo busy today.not so.but still.i have my whole day planned out.in the morning i had english oral training which sucked cos i totally embarrassed myself.
mdm nora: tell me an occasion or even whereby you played an unusual game or (dunno what) game.
so i went on bout that sentosa stripping game.haha!after a while i could feel myself blushing.cos i added in that stripping part.and guess what?mdm nora gave me some comment and said that i shouldnt have said bout the penalty part.ughh.embarrassing!!haha.she gave me 11/20.she wanted 15.so i should improved.yep yep.
after that, i saw sandhya and henna at the basketball court.soaking under the sun.with yucky stuff all over them.wonder whats all that.then i met fadlun in the canteen.was talking to her.she was like all tired and stuff.haha.poor thing.next week will be my turn!=(.
then i walked to nowrin naayi's house.saw this indian woman in pink.was thinking, maybe this is her ustazah or someone who's going to her house.then i went there.took my shoes.nowrin has a good way of welcoming guest.the first word she'd say is BABI.haha.ok.maybe to me only.then as i turned, i saw that pink woman!haha.this is what i call psychic..
then i went home.
im currently reading this book.just had ngaji.then im having tuition at 5.how hectic.ok not really.but im missing out on the fun, yet again.cause my sisters are going to ballota park with mahmud n shehnaaz to play tennis or sth.i shall wait after my O's to have my own dose of fun-ness.who's with me!?!!hahaha.wheeeee!
i dont have a phone anymore.my mum took my simcard.sad stuff.but im still alive.i can live without a phone.im strong.whee.there's always the public phone.and i have listed the most-important numbers on a piece of paper which i will keep in my wallet in any case of emergency.but then, not having a phone will mean that my mum wouldnt be able to contact me.which means that i can come back anytime.ok nice.
im not msging or calling him anymore.i guess, i've had enough.i mean no point la.who cares anyway.im just gonna concentrate on the great friends that i have and my studies.no more distractions.yeahh.maybe after my o's i'll call him up or sth.haha.as for now, im happy the way i am.
YAY-ness for hasEEnah!





ommggg.im in love!!!with a tennis player.haha.

RAFAEL NADAL PARERA.gosh he's so hot.he's spanish.and tmr is his birrtthhdayy!!ahaha.he's left handed which makes him look so cute when playing.but he writes with his right hand.cool huh.he is cute.he's hot.sizzling hot.ahh.i can just go up to him and give him a hug even though he has all those sweats or whatever.i dun care.i want him!haha.ohh.oh.he's 1.85m tall.i loove tall guys and he had long hair.i loiikee!!he's only 20 years old and he's already a pro.2nd in the world after Federer.i tink.




heellooo!it's soo nice to actually blog again cos this time theres something nice to blog about.haha.yest was a blast!seriously man.i have such great friends.they're my life i guess.=P.
i had school in the morning.after that me, fatin and emilla went to marine parade to meet sandhya cos we planned to go play pool.after changing at the toilet in parkway, we went to the pool place.it's the one near the bus stop.fatin taught me how to play!haha.yay.then we played.it was funny la.took pics and stuff.sandhya's a pro okay!unfair.haha.so anyway, after an hour, we went to the arcade next to it.played racing cars.HAHA.fatin is an expert at it.[sacarsm]haha.but she was like damn cutee.she obviously had difficulties.typical blonde.but it was funn.haha.then me and fatin wanted to play the motorbike thingie also which emilla and sandhya played some gun game thingiiee.fatin's a CLOWN!hahaha.seriouslyyy.she didnt know how to move the damn thing.ended up not movinng.so she stood in that position for like a few minutes.haaha.after all that, we went to chill at mc cafe.took pics.again.haha.then gloria and chayana came.it was fun cos we were like talking.ohh.gloria said this, 'nutriiiiishtion' or something like that.which sounded soo funny.gloria, pronunciation!haha.i was in a dilemma, whether to go and change or not.but, i have such innovative friends.haha.they decided to have like a makeover for me so that i could go to the dinner looking nice.so sandhya and the rest went to buy me this hair thingie which gives instant curls!(i lost it btw.)while me and gloria went to nowrin's house cos i had to put my stuff there.and i borrowed a half jacket.and her earrings.and some other stuff laa.we sorta like took a tour in her house.i likee it!haha.then we hurried to the toilet next to gramaphone.then the makeover started!haha.it was funn.i felt like a princess.having such fierce stylers.haha.really.they didnt allow me to touch my hairr.=(.haha.it took some time.then i was done.we took pictureess!haha.yet, again.after that, we rushed to isetan to spray perfume to complete the look.then, fatin, emilla and sandhya had to leave.[so sorry to hold you guys back.but it was worth it.thanks babees!]then we hugged.and they left.it was left with me, gloria, chayana, nowrin and alisa.so we went esprit.topshop.then i went to meet my sisters and mahmud.some people just refused to come.big headed.whatever.naayi(hehee)!but i was sorta like late.was supposed to be at paya lebar mrt at 645.and they were in the train.so mahmud got down and waited for me.my sisters went to meet her friends who were already there.when i got there, there were some shocked faces.dunno if it's good or bad.i dont give a damn.then we ate turkish food at Anatonia..to be continued...